TELL ME I'M DREAMING!!

I'm really, really, really tired right now. like as I type...I can feel my eyelids drooping and i would really like to close them. It is 10:40 PM. Early as fuck. Please keep my fatigue in mind as this blog may contain many punctuation, spelling, and grammar errors.

So Monday night is where this saga begins. I was on the toilet...yeah that's graphic but it's also the honest to God truth.....reading a book and liquid spilled out of me. I knew it wasn't pee because I didn't have to pee anymore. I was only sitting to read that book. And suddenly....it hit me.

My water had broken.

I started freaking out. I checked it...it wasn't piss. And if it's not piss, it shouldn't just be falling out of my PREGNANT vagina. Well....technically my vagina isn't pregnant, but you know what the fuck I meant so...yeah. I screamed for my mom. Like a 3 year old that gets thier toe stuck in a mouse trap. She came running, I explained my situation, and she deduced that there was no way it could have been my water. I was pretty sure though. It wasn't pee and it clearly came out of me. I told Eric(who got one of the most supreme IM curse outs because he didn't answer his phone after I called him THREE times but still managed to sign onto AIM), who found this test i could ake to see if it was my water. I had to lay down for 30 minutes with a pantiliner on to see if anything pooled up, and when I stood if something came gushing out, then I needed to go to the hospital. It didn't happen. So I was freaked out again. What the fuck fell otu of me?!?!

I knew I had a doctors appointment Tuesday morning, so I wasn't very, very worried. Eric and I went to go see him with plan laid out for the whole day. I was pretty sure my water was broken, but I was hoping it wasn't because I knew that they'd make me have the baby. It was the first thing I said to my doctor when he came in. "I think my water broke..." and he immediatly gt the tools necessary to check me.

And it was.

The litmus paper turned blue, and he saw a little ferning on my microscope thingie. I don't really know what that means, but it doesn't matter cuz that's what he saw, and that's what he said. So he said he couldn't send me home with a ruptured placenta, and that I had to go get admitted to the hospital and have my son. Like...immedatly. Eric got light-headed. That part wasn't so bad. I had calmed myself down by convincing myself that it was the day. He was supposed to be born and there was nothing I could do about it. I was pretty reserved about it. Eric literally fell out like twice. He's such a lame.

After we went out and called everyone to tell them I was indeed about to have my labor induced, I went and got checked in at the hospital. Got my room, my nurse, and settled into the whole swing of things. Until they told me that I was 36 weeks pregnant and that when I had my son they'd have to take him away for 24 hours because he was still pre-term. That cracked my facade. More so because I thought I was 37 weeks and that he'd be perfectly happy and safe and healthy. Most of the day went by without mention. they checked my cervix and I was still only 1 cm. So to induce me, they had to put this very slow cting medicine called cervidel inside of me and stick it on my uterus. It was one of the most painful things that has ever happened to my poor, poor pussy. The doctor stuck her ENTIRE HAND inside of me to put it in place. An then I found out that it would take 12 whole hours to work. its point was to soften my entire cervix so that they could begin active labor. They didn't put it in until 4 PM. So they didn't take it out until 3 AM. That shit sucked.

I forgot to mention that we had visitors! That made the day more bearable. Eugene came for a few hours and my best friend Jamie came up for about 45 minutes. She would have stayed longer but we were afraid for her to get caught in that monster ass storm so I made her leave early. Speaking of the storm!! My mom is the coolest- because he was coming on a day with such torrential rains and such powerful lightening and thunder, she decided that his nickname will be Thor. Because my mom is cooler than everyone's mom and she refrences comic book characters. She and my aunt and my grandmother(all on her side) have never called me more times in a day. Not ever i don't think. They were all so excited. I talked to quite a few people on the phone that were all happy for us. Eric's mom stopped by for a little bit. She thought I was actually going to be giving birth or something and was kinda upset I think. Eric slept throgh her visit like a horrible son. That was nice.

So yeah.....They took they the cervidel out at 3 AM and I was only 3 cm dilated. If you aren't aware, you have ti be 10 cm to be able to push. Once again...another strange woman shoved her hands up in my puss to determine this and i could feel her touching his head. He started kicking and moving like a wild boar. He was quite active the entire time actually. My nuirses, Rita and Deirdre, said he was one of the most happy babies they'd ever seen. So yeah...they tell me they're gonna put me on the pitocin at 5 AM. I'm scared cuz thats the stuff that gives you contractions. And boy let me tell you...that shit works. And it works fast. I didn't like that at all. I had contractions. They really hurt. They more in my back because I had been trying to sleep on that uncomforatable poor excuse for a bed that they provided me with. I wasn't comfortable at all last night, which explains my horrible lethargy. Whatever. They checked me again at & AM and I was still at 3 cm. I was getting pissed because the contractions were painful enough to make me want my cervix to hurry up and open so I could just have the mother fucker. Eric left sometime around 9ish to go wash his balls and dress. I freaked out about it but he made it back before 12:30 so I was fine

And thats when it happened. The midwife came in again to check my progression. She shoved her hand up in me as far as she could go. I started squealing and making odd noises(Eric laughed at me) because it hurt SO BAD. It was really, really bad. But the worse thing was her news. She said I was still barely 3 cm. And that she could feel my bag, the one that holds my "water", and that it felt tight and full.

WHAT THE FUCK.

So she leaves to talk to the head OB on duty, because it seems as though my water is NOT broken. At all. And that I have absolurtly no reason to be in labor. I was so upset. The second her and my nurse left the room, I turned to Eric and told him that if I found out that I wasn't supposed to be in this damn hospital after I'd spent all damn night there and the past few hours of my life on a drug that gave me painful contractions dor no fucking reason, I was going to froeak out.I didn't freak out....but they did tell me that I didn't have to have the baby. I was so many things at once. Happy, relieved. pissed off, disappointed...the list goes on. But I really was happy that he wasn't coming because it would have interfered with the baby shower on Saturday. That's pretty much the only plus I could think of. And now he gets a chance to develop more which is quite essential to his health and I'd be a cruel selfish horrible mother if that didn't concern me.

So yeah...I spent a night in hell for no reason. I'm glad that it happened though. They acted quickly and as best they all knew how and I appreciate them for taking care of me and Eric as throughly as they did. The staff at Maryland General is to be commended.