Until Further Notice...

I'm completely uncomfortable with having a living organism inside of me without a proper name. I know it's fetus or baby, but that's incredibly impersonal. It lives in me. So until Eric and I find out what the sex is, we have decided to call our baby "Alex". I suggest you do the same. I don't really like that name so I hope it doesn't become attached to it. I read that now is when the fetus' hearing is starting to develop. I've started putting my ipod on my belly. Lots of Lauryn Hill and Musiq Soulchild for this baby. Eric wants to have Alex listen to fucking Charles Hamilton. I really can't stand him. Not him personally, but Eric talks with his dick in his mouth and that's incredibly frustrating for me.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I can't find a single boy name that I like. I want it (if it is male) to be a strong name. But not ethnic. I hate those nigga names like "Jevonte" or "Dazhawn". Typing that actually made me a little sick..... But I don't want a caucasian name either....no "Owen" or "Chad" for my baby. I know in my heart its a boy. I want a girl. I've already been thinkin about "Antionette" or "Imala". I absoluetly love the name Imala. Its Native American and it means strength or something. And it sounds good with Eric's last name. Antionette stems from my obsession with french culture. In fact, I asked my brother to download a french speaking program for me. I think it'd be cool to learn and then teach to our child.....I want a highly cultured baby. I know....aim high.

I'm feeling pretty ok. My memory is being affected horribly. I forgot Eric's birthday! He was pissed. I felt like a stupid man. Well....a man period. Thats not something you're supposed to forget. At work I was on the phone with a customer who told me all of her information and I just blanked. I was like "....Wait, what'd you say?!". Fortunately she thought it was due to the noise in the background. I'm just losing it. Went to WIC yesterday. Got approved. Now I get 6 free gallons of milk a month. That.....is a lot of fucking milk. I appreciate it. And the free peanut butter, and cheese, and juice(100% juice too!!), and beans and shit. No I'm joking. I don't eat shit. I thought they set you up with medical coverage or something. I was wrong. Oh how wrong I was....and I was embarrased. Now I have to find a place to get a fucking doctors appointment. I just want Alex to be healthy and know that he/she's healthy. I have extreme guilt because I've been smoking this entire time without knowing I was pregnant. My baby is gonna have 6 heads or something.

A couple of onsies I thought were cute. And asexual.



Something I can't stop thinking about is grammar. Eric has pretty ok grammar, but we live in this horrible education deprived city. I cannot stress the importance of speaking clearly and correctly enough and I'm scared my child will have a lazy tongue. I know its way too early to be thinking about grammar but give me a fucking break. I'm pregnant.

Oh and Eric eats like a pig. Thats for all of his followers to know. Its really nasty and when we're on the phone and he chews it sounds like....like....wet sticky cum covered bals slapping against hot pavement. I KNOW RIGHT?!?! I had to get that off my chest.