There Aren't Enough Bathrooms In this City

I'm getting tired of this having to piss all the time side effect. I really have a problem with public restrooms. Yesterday I had to go to the bathroom at a McDonald's and it was the worst experience ever. The seat was covered in piss, there was no toilet paper or soap, and some liquid was covering the floor. I thanked God for deciding to wear skinny jeans because if my pants had touched that floor I would have died. I'm not joking. Omg the thought now is making my skin crawl. And thankfully I carry anti-bacterial hand stuff around with me. I was thoroughly disgusted. It's like people don't even stop to consider pregnant women having to use their restrooms. But then again...neither did I until I found out I was pregnant.

I'm pissed because my phone is broken. Usually it's just off, but now it's off and broken. And I can't afford a new one for at least another month. Being broke is....really horrible. I'm seriously considering going to a trade school as soon as the baby is born. Maybe in criminal justice. Its not really a trade school, its a get a certificate to do this job kinda thing. I just have have to figure out how much I'll have to pay and how I'll be able to work and take care of a baby and still go to school. If I stay at Centerstage, which I hope I can, I'm sure I'll be able to work out a schedule that'll work. They're quite sympathetic to my needs. You should see them. The practically fall over themselves trying to accomodate me. It's sweet, but a little frustrating. Not just them but everyone who tries so hard to make sure I'm not moving.

My grandmother just sent me some new maternity clothes. I'm excited because there are actually some cute things in there!! I thought she was gonna get me a bunch of stuff that was outdated and horrible looking but most of it is incredibly practical and fashionable. You can't go wrong with a black dress or a plain white shirt. I'm proud of her. Eric III is doing fine. He's starting to kick more forcefully. It doesn't hurt at all anymore. It's actually a bit therapuetic. And it makes me feel good to know he's in there doing just fine. I was reading up on it and they say that this is when he should be kicking the most. He's right on schedule with that shit. I'm scheduled for another ultrasound on the first. I'm looking forward to see how much he's grown. I can see my stomach growing but it seems like noone else can. I'm not pissed about that just concerned. My mom says I shouldn't be worried but I am.

Tim left me a comment that really made me rethink my approach to how I'm looking at my pregnancy. He says I shouldn't feel so insecure but I can't expect him to understand why I do simply because he's a man. And I'm not trying to be sexist. There's so much going on in my head its scary. I'm faced with this brand new prospect of motherhood that I'm not prepared for. Of course I'm feeling insecure about my ability to mother this child, mine and Eric's situation affecting the way our child grows, and many other things. My parents have never met Eric's parents. I don't think they'll like each other. I'm also worried about not being able to relate to my son because he's a boy. I don't like boys and I never have. I've avoided them most of my life. Except their dicks. I like dick. Not to mention, pregnancy makes your horomones fluctuate and act all wierd. But I've been thinking about it much more positively now. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I love my son and I know he'll love me. I love Eric and I know he'll make a great father and together we'll be a strong parenting force. I'm excited and anxious for these next few months to go by so I can just get all of this over with.