I am losing my mind.
I knew it was only a matter of time before I found out, but I am so fucking anxious. I just wish I was already on my way there. Fuckdribbles. Oh well. Yesterday I met my doctor for the first tiome. I know most girls are used to getting their PAP smears and uterine exams done, but I've never felt comfortable with another person sticking shit thats not a dick, tongue, or not gloved finger in me. Yeah that's vulgar-my bad. At any rate, he(and yeah I would have preferred a female doctor) did all that and it was really hard not to burst out laughing sitting up there on the table. And he did my breasts which are becoming increasingly sensitive. That was very uncomfortable to say the least. Every time he brushed my nipple my breath caught. I wonder if he noticed.
So at this point he says I'm lined up exactly how I should be at 21 weeks. My uterus is stretching nicely....I couldn't believe a man said those words to me but he did. I heard the heart beat for the first time. And cried AGAIN. He thought something was wrong with me. I assured him I'm so so excited and overwhelmed at this living thing inside of me. I am. Everyday feels like an adventure. I know he's supposed to grow a lot in these next few weeks. I wanted to put pictures up of my belly as it grows, but right now it just looks like a glob of fat. Which is what it was before. OMG I'M 191 POUNDS! I almost shat myself. I worked really fucking hard to get down to a size 12/13 last summer and this baby has ruined my efforts in 5 months. That is ridiculous. It better be glad I had kept my fat clothes. Although Eric and others are really pressuring me to get some maternity clothes. I think I'll head down to Target today after my appointment and see whats on the clearance rack. Cuz I'm broke as shit.
Thats what it feels like too.
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